The Truth

    Well, it has been quite some time since I updated my life and a lot has happened. Although there are many exciting experiences to talk about there is only one thing I want to talk about; The truth. Although there are some that might disagree with this post and the validity of its contents, I don't care. I was the one who lived with my parents before and after these incidents. I know this is the truth and so do the people who truly matter.
    Let me just start by saying my parents were happy. Dad may not have been giving Mother his undivided attention but everyone who knows my dad knows that all she would have had to do is say something. Dad would have changed the world just to make that woman happy. The first step to the chaos was Mother reconnecting with her ex boyfriend from high school named Jeff. When they first started talking Jeff was going through family situations of his own and planning a separation from his wife. He wanted to move to Utah so he spent a couple weeks in a hotel. Mother, being "generous", helped him look for places to live and took him around town. After two weeks was up he couldn't afford to go back to Oregon so he stayed with us for another two weeks. While he stayed with us we assisted him in daily activities (he too, is disabled), fed him, and on two occasions Dad had to clean up his inability to make it to the bathroom on time.
    I first became suspicious when she decided to take him up to Idaho to visit his family. She told me she would be staying with her mother and he would be in a hotel. Shortly after her arrival in Idaho I discovered she had lied to me. In the weeks Jeff was staying with us I had walked out on them cuddling on our couch. Of course I called Dad immediately to tell him what I had witnessed. In the meantime Mother contacted him also painting a lie for Dad that Jeff was falling off the couch and she had pulled him close to prevent him from falling. What was I supposed to do? Tell my father not to believe his wife? I know what I saw and that was no fall recovery. I have taken care of Dad for 7 years, I'm not dumb.
    After Jeff flew back to Oregon Mother followed to help him move to Utah. When she got back Dad finally voiced his concerns to her about the situation. Exactly one week before Dad's birthday she left us saying she didn't want to be a wife, mother or grandmother anymore and that she had raised her kids. Any good parent knows that you are NEVER done raising your kids. Your children will always need you and your obligations as a parent don't ever end.
    I won't go further than this out of respect for Dad and my family but needless to say the situation went from bad to worse. My siblings tolerated the the madness she put us through while Dad struggled to cope that his 28 year investment walked out on him. As for me, I granted her wish. She doesn't know where I live, my phone number or even my boyfriends name. My family fell to pieces and I am so sorry to my siblings for not helping them through the struggles of our mother leaving. As the dust has started to settle the pieces of my family are falling back together. Of course there is still a void where our mother used to be but we are filling that with the joy of realizing we still have each other.
    The truth is she abandoned us and even worse she's lied to everyone about it. People we once called family have turned their backs to us, others don't even know what to believe. For those reading this wondering if this really is the truth, I make one request; Ask why all three if this woman's children turned their back to her if this wasn't the truth?

A New Year

   Most of my life I've been a downer. I'll admit that and I'm sure not many people would argue. Pessimism was definitely my weakness. Expect the worst...Period. You'll never be wrong or you could be pleasantly surprised. I guess it was a positive way to look at pessimism but you can't always live life thinking of nothing but the worst.
   Recently I have noticed small but subtle changes in my personality and my everyday behavior. I didn't really start noticing it until about a week ago. I worked a really long week. I took on more hours than I could handle but at the end of it, all I said was, at least I'll have a nice check next week and at least I got to go to dinner with my dad after work. One of my dear friends replied saying, way to be positive! I was so taken back. I was exhausted from the work week but I had looked past that to find the good without even trying.
   At work yesterday I had a chance to get to know one of my managers. As we exchanged stories and life experiences, my family troubles surfaced. As I told her the minimal stories of what has happened since August she became more and more surprised. She said she never would have guessed because I came into work so happy all the time.
   I love how my attitude has changed. I feel better not only in the way I think but physically too. I am determined to continue thinking positively throughout this year. Things may get worse in my family, work, etc... but if I can smile at any given moment throughout the day, I can get through anything.

My Personality

Dad is Coming Home!

   So Dad went out of town Monday, October 3rd. That was the day after I broke up with my boyfriend. Dad has been gone since that time on a trip to Idaho. Kind of poor timing on my part with the whole boyfriend situation and all but it is what it is right? Anywho... Its been a lonely but growing experience for me. Over the last 10 days I've learned to manage my negative feelings and to keep myself above water. Of course I've had friends to rely on (Thank heavens!) but for the most part I've been spending a lot of time alone.
   I've really gotten to know myself over Dad's vacation. I can really see the things I need to improve on and the things I love about myself. I love how stubborn I am. I don't know why but I love it. I like that I can play piano or guitar for hours and learn new songs. I love that I am capable of entertaining myself. At the same time, I need to improve how I receive other people's feelings, become more motivated, and really push forward with my life. For the most part, I kinda like me. Its a strange and new feeling for me. 
   Of course I'm not completely over the sadness that comes with a break-up but the only thing that cures that is time. Its not the most pleasant of feelings but there's not much you can do but ride it out; remembering the good times but considering the bad as well. I do love him still and I do miss him, but being together isn't what is going to make our lives successful right now. I just need to grow from the experience. I'll get by with a little help from my friends ;P- Gotta love The Beatles!
   Although I've really grown over this time I've had to myself, I think I'm ready to have my Dad back home. I really missed not being able to see him :( 

Its Been a While

   Its been quite sometime since I last posted. There's been a lot happening in recent months, such as my mother leaving our family to go with another man back in August.... Exactly one week before my Dad's birthday. I'm not going to go into full detail about the ordeal just out of respect for my dad and our family privacy, but I will say that I am angry. It has been a brutal trial to go through considering I had to see all the melt-downs and act of self destruction. I feel like the family has actually gotten to an OK place, but many things are still unresolved.
   Secondly, I was dating this guy for about 5 months. He's not your typical Mr. Perfect but he was a diamond in the rough. He had lots of baggage but the way he made me feel was worth it. Unfortunately he and I couldn't seem to find a happy medium with our arguments. They were constant and not far enough in between. Our break up has been less than easy. He had relapsed on a drug he is addicted to (and hadn't used while we were together), and attempted to hang himself. That essentially landed him back into prison. Some people say that will make the break-up easier on me...It really doesn't. We haven't really had closure and the only way to communicate is through letters. Its hard trying to move past someone when you blame yourself and think of things you could've done differently. Its especially hard when you still love someone and they're sent to prison. Its been hard for me to move past.

Really???

   I happen to be quite fond of texting. I have found that I prefer to text as apposed to calling someone. However there are some things that need to be delivered through a phone call or in person. I give you that opinion to share this story with you:

   Back in May I got a job as a house cleaner. Paid $9/hr and .33 cents to the gallon gas reimbursement. I love to clean, therefore I was loving my job. However things within this small owned business unraveled and started showing the amateurism about it all. My boss never had the schedule up on time. At times I would have to wait til 9PM on a Sunday night to find out if I worked Monday morning. On multiple occasions my checks were not given to me before 5PM (which is when the majority of financial institutions close). I would often be left without proper cleaning supplies or keys to get into the houses I was cleaning. Even with having to wait til Sunday evening for my schedule, I would find that my schedule was incomplete and be told that I was supposed to got to a particular house that wasn't even put on my schedule. The worst of all this was my boss would never take responsibility for her mistakes. 

    Not only did these situations bother me but they were bothering the girls I was working with as well. Some were being sent to houses where cats reside when they had a severe allergy to cats, while others weren't getting their gas reimbursement. I no longer enjoyed my job or took my boss seriously when she chose to evaluate me and another co-worker in an unprofessional manner through a joint E-MAIL. I could see all her flaws and she mine. I quickly lost all respect for my employer.

    Finally the end of the road came. I went to a house up in Farmington that was ridiculously horrible and dirty. There were dirty clothes everywhere, moldy dishes throughout the house and in the sink, and children's toys scattered in every room. There were graham crackers smooshed into the beds (which I had to make) and stains all over the dining table. I was only supposed to be at this house for 3 hours. I was there for 5. The next day the woman who owned the house called my boss and said her house didn't even look like it had been cleaned! I was furious! What made me even more furious was neither boss of mine went to check off the house to see what the client was talking about. Instead they went completely off the word of the client and fired me. I get it, they're going to value a client over me but I know what I cleaned and I  know I did a good job. To make situations worse they fired me through TEXT MESSAGE!!! Completely unprofessional! So instead of fighting back I simply wrote my boss this E-mail:

Holly,

   I wanted to take a moment and share with you some thoughts that not only I have had, but other cleaners have had as well. Trying to defend that I did all of what the client said I didn't do is pointless. I know you won't believe me over a client. I know what I cleaned and I know that I spent 5 hours at that house when I was only supposed to be there for 3. I also know that you value your clients above your cleaners, which is your first mistake. There is a reason you have a high turn-over rate and that is because you do not treat your cleaners with the care and respect they deserve. Your business is amateur and the more you continue to treat your cleaners as if they are your last priority the more your business will sink and fail. I have worked very hard and have seen no reward for it. Others have the same complaints. Even clients are mentioning to the cleaners about how much your turn-over rate bothers them. People like to see the same girls cleaning their house. However what bothers me most is you had Mat fire me through TEXT MESSAGE instead of calling me or even doing it yourself. That is completely unprofessional and disrespectful. I hope the best for you and Mat but more-so I hope the best for the girls who are continuing to put up with your unprofessional-ism.

Kyla 

Holly owns the business and Mat is a business manager she hired. She didn't even have the decency to fire me herself over the phone or in person but instead had poor Mat (Who is only a year older than me, might I add) fire me instead over text message. Needless to say I am upset for the reasons I was fired but I am relieved to be free of this ridiculous game they call a business.

   

Shameful Crushes

Oh goodness do I have shameful crushes! Its odd to know what they are too. I'll show you :)



Lets start with the less creepy shall we?

Eddie Izzard. This one he is some what normal looking right? Kinda good-looking but what really gets me going for him is this:

Weird yes? Lets continue

Grave Robber from Repo! The Genetic Opera

Woo! Talk about sexy in a creepy way! I LOVE it!

And the best and creepiest I save for last:

That's right ladies! Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Just watched it with my dad today and oh body is he HOTT! I never knew Tim Curry could look so GOOD!

My dear friend Addie told me she could see me in a relationship with a transvestite...What do you think? 

Either way these men are pretty good looking. I wish I could look that hot in my own clothes :P