What I Got

Its about 2 AM and I'm wide awake. I've been thinking a lot about the changes I've encountered in the past couple of months. I'm single, I've lost weight, gained amazing friends (and interests), etc.. If I look back on the last 4 months I see a particular dark patch in my life, yet I have had the time of my life. Maybe I'm getting over it all or maybe I'm just shoving it to the back of my mind like most problems but right now I'm pretty damn happy.

I've come to realize how strong I really am. I think this year has proven that I'm an emotional viking. I may have episodes but I know I have to seek help (and tried before I had any sort of episode). That's an amazing achievement in itself. I know I need help and I can't expect it from my friends or family. I am exhausted right now but I think in about a week or two (hell maybe a couple of days) I can be able to slow down and breathe again. I'm already starting to feel like I can be my normal cheerful self again. I can finally snap out of it. I don't feel like crying all the time. I can take a particularly good moment or happy thought and cling onto it instead of instantly having it flee my mind as fast as it entered my line of thought. I may have some lingering feelings of all sorts but that's to be expected in my situation.

I've sort of been jotting down this list of reasons in my head. Reasons why I'm scared, depressed, happy... Scared because I don't want to put my guard down just yet (to anyone), depressed because of how this has all turned out, and happy because of my friends, our parties, my family, but most of all myself. I think its safe to say through the anger, frustration, sadness, and depression the good finally outweighs the bad. I've gained a kind of confidence that I've never known before. I have said things, done things, and thought things I would have never done before because I've lacked this confidence in myself. I've taken charge of what I want and gone after it. Maybe my life isn't perfect right now but its what I want. For once I want what I already have.

My Birthday

My birthdays are usually terrible. Have been for several years. Even though people have tried extra hard to make them good it seems like something always happens that makes it bad...

Well I'm pleased to inform all my family and friends who've tried so hard throughout the years that this birthday has been phenomenal! It has been a non-stop celebration of my birth from the 14th to today. I got Reach from my family on the 14th (AMAZING) and my folks took me out to dinner on the 15th. They threw me a surprise birthday party on the 18th. My aunts took me to dinner this last Friday and we had a fantastic party on Saturday.

I must say that I have an absolutely amazing family that I am SO grateful for. My parents always being patient and understanding; my sister always there for me to make me smile; and my brother and his quirky shirts...I couldn't ask for a better family. I'm best friends with my sister and still look to my dad as the super hero he is. They have tried incredibly hard to make every September 15th a great day. I appreciate their efforts and love them so much.

I think this year was so fantastic because, even though I've hit the hardest speed-bump in my life, I have the greatest friends to help me through it. They're all great people. I have NEVER had a better group of friends. They make me happy and I have good times with them. I tend to forget all the problems and anger when I'm with them and just let it go and have fun. I'm so lucky to have them, its very rare to find so many great friends.

I have such a great life. Thanks everyone for the best birthday ever!