Dreams

Lately I've been having lots of terrible dreams and I can remember most of them. I know in all of my dreams I am struggling. Most of the time its a struggle to help or save someone, sometimes its myself. Most of the time its my dad that is grave peril and I cannot get to him. Sometimes I depict him as the dad I knew before the accident. I think those dreams break my heart the most. Before the accident he was a tough man who rarely needed help, let alone saving. Its almost like I'm trying to stop the accident from happening but I fail every time. Its like I have PTSD but nothing has really happened to me to cause such a disorder.

Whenever I hear one of my parents re-tell the story of his accident and all surgeries/medical problems that followed I see in my mind what I think the fall looked like from an eagle eye point of view. When he fell there were two men closest to him; his boss and a fellow brick layer. When I picture his fall in my head, its like I'm seeing it threw their eyes. I'm helpless yet I try my best to catch him and rush down the scaffolding to aid him but there is nothing I can do. No my dreams aren't like this but my DAY dreams are. Most of my night dreams I'm trying to save him from a falling cliff, car accident, etc...

I do have dreams about other people. Such as saving someone or fighting with someone. Always, its a struggle. In recent dreams I was fighting with my mom (not completely unusual) and I flee from the house never to return yet I'm torn because I still want to see my dad. Another dream (which is one of the worst) my niece and nephew were kidnapped while I was taking them somewhere like the zoo or park. I would run after them until the man would stop in the middle of the street and allow himself (with children in hand) to be hit by a massive vehicle like a bus or semi. There's more terrifying dreams dealing with them or a baby but I can't bring myself to put them down to words.

I really would like to know what the struggles mean. A lot of struggles deal with a certain person I can't seem to ever see eye to eye with. Maybe that's because I'm still struggling with her and somethings she does that make me upset or hurt me. Maybe its because I wish she would realize the things she does to hurts me. My dreams may be a display of my feelings that I feel I can't show or tell anyone. Some of my dreams deal with actual occurrences such as the accident or the way I'm treated by certain people. I just hate waking up in the morning to tears in my eyes and an upset stomach...