The Past

I'm generally not the kind of person who worries about the past. I tend to be sad about things for a couple days (sometimes a week at the most) and move on. Somethings are harder to let go of like my dad's accident or my mom's cancer scare. Sometimes its good to just take a glimpse into the past and see things I might not have seen before.

I was looking through my E-mails and came across many E-mails from a couple of friends and noticed how civil we were with each other even when we didn't want to be. There were E-mails saying things about how hurt one person felt about things that another person said behind their back. There was no need for vulgarity or inconsideration. We were always keen to say something like, "I felt angry/hurt/sad when you did...." and we'd apologize and move on. Why have I just barely noticed how good I was with handling disagreements and what happened to that skill?

I haven't recently been in a particularly bad arguement but sometimes the thoughts from a previous arguement still linger. Ok, maybe its a particular person and a a fight or two we've had that still lingers but I think it lingers because I never got an apology from them. I'd always give up and apologize because I had to come to the realization that they just weren't going to see my point of view or validate my opinion yet they never once apologized to me... I wasn't as civil with these arguements because they were never considerate of me or my opinion. I guess it come back to the golden rule, do unto others as you would have others do to you. I treated them with the same respect and consideration as they gave me. I've had other arguements with various people and never really resolved our situations, yet these arguements and problems don't linger. I know why this is. Its because I have cut off those other people. I don't need them in my life and I refuse to have someone in my life that treats me with such disrepect. However, I cannot cut off this person, I see them far too often and have a connection that requires me to be civil and respectful of them. So why can't they just apologize to me for hurting my feelings and disrespecting my opinion as I have done a number of times for them? They don't have to say I'm right or that my opinion is better, all that would be sufficient is to apologize and agree that we have different point of views. Why is that so hard?

I guess when I look back in the past I'm not really looking for anything but everytime I read back in my journal or my e-mails I find something that interests me or surprises me. Sometimes the new discovery is about myself and other times its a surprise I get from someone else. I guess looking back in the past isn't such a bad thing. Sometimes the past puts the present into perspective and gives you an idea of what you want for the future.