Like everyone else on this planet I have arguements with people. Sometimes they're minor fights and sometimes they're fights that damage a relationship. Sometimes I look back in my inbox and find those fights (Because I don't usually have verbal fights) and an assortment of feelings go through me. Sometimes I wish I had been more forceful while other times I wish I hadn't said some of the things I did.
Well today I happened to come across one of the many fights I've had with a certain person whom I've severed ties with. Our most recent fight gives me different kind of feeling than what most of the others do. I feel a sense of satisfaction and closer. Its one of very few arguements I can look back on and think that I said exactly what needed to be said. I felt like I was right. I had apologize yet she did not accept it so I cut bait and now feel that its her loss not mine. I'm a damn good friend and I know it. It may sound conceded but anyone who calls themselves my friend would agree with me.
Other arguements I look back on and wish I had said something more, something to really explain my feelings and help the other person acknowledge that this is how I feel and you should respect that. Sometimes I let people walk all over me. Its a good nature quality I get from my dad. We're too nice, even to people who don't deserve it. The person I've had these arguements with doesn't really enjoy my presence or really calls me a friend or family, yet we still remain civil. I don't know how to help this person like me more. I try with great efforts to help them see the good person and friend I am yet I just don't feel like they really care to have me around. Some days it makes me cry because I can't help but feel that if this person were to never see me again they wouldn't have a single complaint about it. I am constantly helping this person, doing them favors, and putting great efforts into having a good relationship with them yet I don't see the same in return.
I never say I regret anything in my life. Sometimes I feel like some tradedies and accidents in my life wouldn't have happened but if they hadn't I wouldn't be as strong as I am today. If I ever regret a fight I apologize and hope that other person forgives me. If tey don't I can't say I regret that arguement because I tried making it better. Regrets are not part of my life. Its a wasted emotion. You can't change what has already happened so let go of it and move on.
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